Slowed Down Hot Brown

About the music: This recipe takes but a measly 30 minutes to create, but the playlist we have created gives you a whole lot more.  Meant to be listened to while watching the rain fall out your window, the songs in this list are laced with melodic electronic beats and downtempo rhythms.  You will probably have never heard of many of the artists on this record breaking 17 song playlist, but that does not make them any less awesome.  In fact you can basically thank us right now for introducing you to such a plethora of awesome chunage.  We have music from Radiohead, David August, Boombox, Emancipator, and a bunch more of my favorite electronic artists strung together in a carefully crafted ballet of song.  We are actually very pleased with how this came out so for the next hour and a half just press play, listen to the cool rain, and eat some hot sandwiches, you deserve it.

Cook Time: 30 minutes
Serves: 4

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons butter, unsaltedP1020989 2 tablespoons all purpose flour
1 cup whole milk (we used 2%, so s

ue us)
1/2 cup medium cheddar cheese, shredded
1/2 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
1/4 cup fontina cheese, shredded (don’t skimp on this)
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
salt and pepper to taste
4 slices sourdough bread, lightly toasted (we got rosemary sourdough, DANK)
1 lb roasted turkey breast, thinly sliced (we got a presoasted chicken because we are lazy)
6 10! slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled

Directions:
It’s a cold, rainy night. Your home may or may not have just been flooded with 4 feet of water and mud laced with human fecal matter, but that don’t make no nevermind right now. You’re about to make one of Kentucky’s finest creations, a sandwich so decadent, so completely artery cloggingly delicious that you will forget about the 10′s of thousands of dollars in damage to your home. Between the sultry electronic beats that are currently licking your earhole and the cheesy bacon chicken delight you are about to feast on, your luck is already starting to turn around.

Like all good things, this recipe starts by cooking your bacon. So, cook your bacon. We say this recipe takes 30 minutes but thats including multiple breaks for football watching, whisky drinking and, well, you know. Next you’re going to want to preheat your broiler.

For the saucy cheesy delight, begin by melting the butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Once melted, sprinkle the flour in with one hand while viciously whisking it in with the other. You are essentially making a Bechamel sauce here for the 6 of you who are going to know what that is. Keep whisking for about two minutes making sure there are no clumps.  Then slowly add the milk while continuing to stir.  Keep stirring until the milk is hot, almost boiling.  Use a wooden spoon to then stir in the cheese until melted and blended. Then add the remaining ingredients. Then add some salt n’ peppa.

Now you are really in the mix.  Toast up your bread because if you put it in the broiler with all these goodies on top it really won’t reach the crunchy level that you both desire and deserve.  Top your now toasted bread with your chicken turkey and smother it in cheesy goodness.  Sprinkle your crumbled bacon on top and put in the broiler for no more then a couple minutes, making sure it doesn’t burn.  Top with a little fresh cracked pepper and there it is, your little slice of heaven in a sea of flood water.

Spicy Lentil, Kale, Sausage Soup for Lovers

About the music: Valentine’s Day. Today is the day we eat stale heart shaped candies and grin over their delightful musings. Those of us who support this hallmark holiday dress flowers and chocolates in bows because we can and it is all in the name of love. But here at Sandwich Funk we know that love is more than just a nice card or Valentine’s Day sex-as is tradition. We knew we would be doing a disservice to you all if we didn’t throw a little music and a story into the blender of love.

We are a bunch of romantics over here and put love in terms of music. Love and music are all about the journey. Every journey has its ups and downs, its moments of glory and its total defeats. And of course, every journey, romantic and musical, is riddled with mystery. Sometimes fingers go places they shouldn’t, and sometimes you just have to slap the bass. Let this playlist we hand selected tell the tale of romance. So put your fingers where you want to and slap that bass!

Imagine lust. That sort of burning between your legs. It purrs its little head passionately and settles in. That is how babies are made and how relationships begin. Some say it starts in the heart, but everyone knows it’s in the crotch. There is nothing wrong with a few months of carefree romping and finger play before letting love set in.

Alas, a time will come when the bed feels small and the pre-marital routine starts to feel a little too real. Eventually, it’s no longer cute the way she farts at night and it is actually kind of amazing she doesn’t wake herself up. You start to feel cramped, constricted. Why won’t she let you clip your toe nails in bed? So things turn bitter and you begin to question everything. Do I even love this bitch? Finally, when she uses the last of the toilet paper and leaves you helpless on the jon, you decide enough is enough and break up.

Dash it all, weeks go by and you can’t forget her. You keep drunk texting her random things about finger play. She never responds. So you find someone new to help fill the emptiness. But when the lights are off you imagine the one next to you is the one you lost. It becomes obessive and you start to listen to those old records you both loved. You go to eat alone at the places you went on dates. Clarity for just a second comes around the corner and inspires you to go after her again. The current situation is kind of mopey and pathetic. As you head after her, with an umbrella and wet roses, the question pulses through your head: Will she take you back?

This is the story of two lovers, torn apart when life gets in the way. Will they recognize they are meant for each other? Will they see past their petty differences and find the love they once had? Will they get back together?!?! This is the Sandwich Funk Love Story. You will have to listen to find out. O yea, there’s a soup in here too, it’s pretty delicious. Without further ado, pull your lover close, fire up the speakers, and let love run its course.

Lentil soup for Lovers

Ingredients:
~1/2 cup olive oil
3/4 lb spicy italian sausage out of the casing
1 medium onion diced
4 carrots cut into soup sized pieces
4 celery stalks cut into soup sized pieces
4 cloves garlic, sliced
red pepper flakes to taste
1 cup brown lentils
2 bay leaves
1 28-oz can crushed tomatoes
6 cups water (maybe a little more)
~4 cups chopped kale
parmesan cheese for garnish
salt ‘n peppa

Directions:
Go ahead and heat about 1/4 of olive oil in a big ass pot (big enough to hold everything at the end of this). Then add the sausage. I like to break apart the sausage with my fingers when adding it so it cooks evenly and faster.

When its almost fully cooked (~5 minutes) add the onion, celery, carrots, 2 cloves of garlic, as many red pepper flakes as you want, onion, and some salt. Cook with all that in there for another 5.

Then add the lentils, bay leaves, tomatoes and water. Add some salt and pepper to taste. Bring to a simmer and cook for about 40 minutes until the lentils are tender. (We were supposed to sort our lentils, but simply the idea of sorting lentils basically made me want to cut myself so we just kept on living our lives, they still tasted like lentils).

Next, add the kale and cook for a little longer, like 5-10 depending on your lazy/forgetfulness.

In the meantime, heat the rest of the olive oil in a pan and throw the rest of the garlic in there infusing that garlicy goodness all up in there. Spoon the soup into some bowls, garnish with your garlic oil concoction and a little parmesan. We had ours with roasted potatoes and some grilled french bread. On the true-true, this soup is boner jams ’13. Enjoy it together, as lovers, or alone rejected and hurt.

Recipe adapted from Smitten Kitchen.

Quinoa and Kale Funk Pucks

About the music: This is basically as healthy as I get. I mean, there is so much good shit packed into the patties it makes me feel like I am about to grow branches. Given the earthy and organic nature of this recipe we though we would give you some nice organic tunes to go with it. “What Kind of Breeze Do You Blow?” is a group that I have never heard anything about other than this mix. They are Canadian, thats all I could find, so that’s cool, eh? Anyways, this mix is mellow and textured at the beginning and really moves into some swinging spacey grooves at the end. So as you mold these balls of health let this mix mold your mind.

Serves: 4
Prep time: 1 hour

Ingredients:
2 cups water
1 cup Quinoa
1/3 cup parmesan cheese
4 whisked eggs
6 green onions sliced thin
4 cloves garlic
1/2 tsp salt
1.5 cup steamed kale, chopped
1 cup breadcrumbs
olive oil
1 lemon
1 avocado
some cilantro (optional)

Directions:

Now that your sufficiently relaxed and groovin’ to this mix, pour the quinoa into a pot with the water and let sit for 15 minutes with no heat. While that is happening, chop everything else. This includes but is not limited to: all the garlic, the onions, kale, a fresh bowl. You can whisk the eggs too.

Put the kale in a steaming basket with about an inch or two of water, a little lemon juice and around 1/4 of your chopped garlic. Don’t turn on yet.

Cover the quinoa and turn on the heat and bring to a bowl. Turn down to low and let simmer, covered, for 20 minutes until it has absorbed the water. About halfway into this turn on the kale and steam, covered, for 7-10 minutes. Take both the kale and the quinoa and throw them into a big bowl and let cool.

You should also probably be swilling on some sort of fine beverage. Perhaps an ice cold Coca-Cola Classico, or if you want something healthier drink some Kombucha you pretentious bastard.

Now mix the eggs, salt, onions, a little lemon zest, breadcrumbs, and parmesan into the bowl with the quinoa and kale. Form small patties with your hands and put on your preparation station (a plate). Put a large skillet on medium high heat with some olive oil. Cook each patty, covered, about 6-7 minutes or until each side is a nice golden brown.

By now this mx should be in full shakedown mode so be careful not to dance too hard while slicing this avocado. Grate some fresh parm on top of each patty, add a piece of avocado and a little cilantro and lemon juice. Yes, its a funk punk, ladies and gentleman.

Adapted from Yummy Supper